Tightrope Walker
by MsDeeKayBee
Summary: A girl, like any other, has stumbled into school in Wangarratta, Australia. One problem, two words: Mr. Cullen. Will she ever let her feelings go?
1. Chapter 1

_OH MY GOD! I UPDATED! SORRY BUT NO MORE UPDATES FOR ANY OTHER STORY! I'LL BE PRETTY RANDOM WITH MY STORIES! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT! XOXOX HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON! LOTS OF LOVE T.T - MOOD APATHETIC_

_01/01/09 – Birthday with 'the nonni'_

My name is Isabella Swan, but everyone calls me Bella. I don't know why really. It sorta just got picked up along the family and friends who listen carefully to our conversations.

You see, usually, the main female in everything is pretty just…self conscious. Pretty is a very generous term in my case. My hair is long and brown with pink streaks throughout. I'm average height, 5"5. I'm pale with chocolate eyes. My body is slender and petite but I am very athletic. I'm eighteen…today! Later on in the month I'm starting year twelve.

"Bella, time for cake." Mum called from the kitchen. I scurried up from my bed and ran out the door. I know that I sound excited through my actions but I hate birthdays, especially mine. My birthdays are the most important, why? Because I am the only grandchild, my parents are only children like me and so were their parents. So being the only child, I have the whole life planned for me.

"Bella, what are you gonna do about uni?" my nonna asked in Italian.

"Uh nonna, I'm taking courses in writing and…" I responded in fluent Italian. But I was cut off by nonno.

"Isabella, no, no, no. You're a girl, writing for men." My grandparents were very sexist you see. Anything they used to do back when dinosaurs roamed the earth my grandparents thought was right.

"But nonno, I want to. This is a very different world and different is good." And then I received "the lecture". It's like almost as bad as "the talk" normal kids get, the one about sex and everything else. No, I wasn't allowed that talk until my wedding day. This talk was about how 'the nonni' were always right, never talk back to 'the nonni', never do this, never do that. I always respond with, "Si, nonna. Si, nonno. I understand." Very sincerely or else I end up with puttana spat into my face. Not that I had ever had sex with a boy. Or even kissed one in front of the nonni, or even visited with one to the nonni, or even had a boyfriend! Strict, very strict, were 'the nonni'. When the talk was over, we ate the cake, we said goodbye to the nonni, plus everyone else in the room and left the house I see three times a year, at the least.

'The nonni' were my dad's parents. They didn't tell me any other name, not Giuseppe or Rosa, which I found out from my mum. Mum's parents were kind but hated by 'the nonni'. My mum grew up like every normal kid, no rules, no boundaries, no scolding, no yelling, no violence, no bruises, and no sin spitters. Everything 'the nonni' was, my mum's parents weren't.

When we arrived at their house, hours later, we crashed onto the couch and flipped on the one hundred inch TV. We muttered a very exhausted hey to the grandparents and watched Neighbours.

"Aren't you three exhausted? Did ya'll have a bad run in with 'the nonni'?" my grandmother asked us with her very thick, South American accent.

"Yeah, I got "the talk" again…" I groaned.

"Oh, poor gal, you're always in trouble. What was it for this time? You're skirt too high? You're V-neck too low?"

"Uni," I said simply. I then noticed Grandpa Louie wasn't there, "Where's Grandpa Louie?" I stood up and walked up the ever creaking stairs. I knocked on their bedroom and peeped inside.

"Out you snooping little girl, I'm finishing your present." I shut the door and laughed. Grandpa Louie was the funniest.

My family was part Italian, part American and part Aussie, my mum was American-Italian, my dad's full Italian born in the very centre, Rome, and I'm full Aussie, minus the generations before me.

I was born in the lush green town of Wangaratta, Victoria. Even though throughout the country there are water restrictions in place, this is the only town I've heard of without them. We had to follow 'the nonni' where ever they went making, no forcing would be a better word, us to move in my final year therefore forcing mum's 'rents to move with us. There was no way we were leaving them in the city.

It's nice up here, a large setting for your normal country town. It was quite hot in summer these days, reaching as high as fifty degrees! Good thing was that UV was quite low compared to the rest of the country. I loved it here.

The rest of the day was uneventful and apparently my present had to wait until tomorrow so Mum, Dad and I crashed in the ever ready guest rooms for tonight. I looked up at the decorated ceiling and sighed while whispering, "There's no place like home." And I hit my heels together like Dorothy before finally settling to sleep.

_I was running, my legs were pumping, and my arms were thrashing through the air. I had almost made it, almost. Then two strong hands grabbed my ankles, they pulled me back from the bright, white light, they pulled me away from reality, they pulled me away from knowledge. It hurt, this darkness, I wanted to see, to be able to learn what lies behind the half truths I had been told by my parents, my grandparents, family friends, friends etc. I pushed harder to escape, to live for once, to know like other girls my age, to experience things I've been forbidden._

I woke up then; I sat up and looked around. The tree outside made a shadow on the wall as a warning of the outside world.

I opened up my copy of 'love you two' to my forever bookmarked page. It was where Pina was writing to her mum; who she had ran from because of the secret she had found out, that her mum loved two men. Her father, who was still living with them, still loved her mother even though she had given half her heart to another man, a family friend who had seemed as harmless as fly, Nathan.

I read the sentence out loud, _"'I see a lot now, Mum, and it hurts to see. I think it always will. But it sort of hurts good. Blindness seems comfortable and easy but now I know it hurts you bad.'"_ I cried, why you may ask. It hurt to know that my own parents, my grandparents could be hiding a lot from me, for my "protection", to save me from "the big bad world". I scoffed, "What protection, nonna? To save me from figuring out you haven't got such a _bella faccia _after all? That you had an affair back when you were growing up? That nonno hates you with such passion that you say "_Che croce!"?" _I laughed without humour, almost regretting? I sighed and lay back down only to continue my dream from where I stopped.


	2. Chapter 2

_28/01/09 – Those eyes, those looks, that teacher… Mr Cullen_

I expected something was up when I walked through the front door of Wangaratta High School this morning. Everyone hushed their conversations at my presence. My heart pounded against my ribcage at every stare, glance and checking out I received. But there was one pair of eyes that confused me, the belonged to my history teacher. In my crisp, stiff and very unflattering uniform longing and hungrily, he stared at me.

There was nothing wrong with him. No, quite the opposite in fact. He was walking heaven; he looked only twenty with a figure only God could've made with his own hands, that or he went to gym after school, before school and on weekends. His hair looked like a shade of bronze under the fluorescents in the class room but that had to be unnatural. His eyes we're a shade of green that was unfamiliar to me. His skin was sun tanned and sort of dark. It was just impossible to not rise from my seat then taking him there and then. So instead of listening to the assignments we were going to be given throughout the year, I caressed him with my eyes, never missing a muscle, a vein, a strand of hair on his beautifully chiselled body. He seemed to catch me every time but instead of scolding my inattention, he'd watch me for a second too long that he had too, his eyes would strain and his muscles would tense up. He was holding back, like he felt this strange energy I felt.

Mr Cullen was his name. It just rolled of my tongue like melted ice cream, it was smooth, sexy and cool. It made me shudder just thinking of it and when I think of him…my heart pounds and my breathing becomes rapid. I become sweaty and I pant. Why does he make me feel this way?

It turned out he was also my English Literature teacher. I read his curled hand writing on the board and recalled the style to be quite modern. I shook my head.

"Ah, excuse me Miss Swan?" I looked into the grey pools I desired, "Why are you shaking your head? Is there something wrong with the grammar or spelling?" I looked up and read what he had written.

_She entered the classroom, her uniform surrounding her figure like a model. Her hair billowed out behind her while her eyes captured mine. No, this is wrong, she's too young!_

I inhaled a sharp intake of breath, was he talking about me?

"Miss Swan, I asked for your opinion, may I have it?" his eyes were pleading me to say something, anything.

"It's very mean to the readers. It's such a spoiler as well." I blinked and saw his eyes encourage me to explain, "He is her teacher as you can tell by 'No, this is wrong, she's too young!' and he indefinitely has strong physical and emotional feelings for her but there is nothing about her opinion. There is no description of the look in her eyes, on her face. That is why it's mean and a spoiler." He nodded at me with this huge, goofy grin on his face. I giggled involuntarily before noticing all the glares and envious looks I was receiving.

"Well done Miss Swan, a very elaborate approach at your opinion." After that I was never called upon just stared at, occasionally he'd tense up and freeze his muscles whilst straining his eyes but usually it was casual glances and like every other testosterone driven male at this school the infrequent checking out.

When the lunch bell rang Mr. Swan called me to his desk while everyone was leaving. This close proximity was affecting me…badly, I started sweating and my heart threatened to break all my ribs. He finally spoke in his deep, enticing voice.

"You are very well educated in literature. Did you learn in Melbourne or were you taught by some one at home?" he eyed me, grazing every inch of my body which unlike the students gazes, it made me feel buoyant. I stood up straight and confident in myself for once.

"No, it wasn't taught to me, theoretically. I sort of learnt through the mountains of books I read." He gripped his angular chin with his index finger and his thumb; he rubbed his whiskers along his cheek and chin.

"That is very interesting," he muttered but I don't think he was talking about my natural English capabilities because as he was talking his eyes scaled my body.

"Sir, may I go to lunch?" I picked up my bag and took a step towards the door as if to say, 'this is getting awkward, I need and escape path'. He nodded, either to himself or me I didn't quite note. But I took it as an opportunity, I scurried out the door and whisked down to the canteen.

As soon as I reached the gigantic room I spotted an empty table. I grabbed the food out of my bag and sat down, hoping to not be noticed by any one. I felt stares pierce me from every direction; I didn't look up at any point until I heard.

"Is this seat taken?" the solid voice asked me, I looked up and I met _those _eyes again.

"No," I hesitated, "It's free."

"Good I really didn't want to pay for a plastic chair." he laughed with me at his own cheesy humour, "So how long did you live in Melbourne?" I was surprised at his sudden question.

"For seventeen years…until last month that is." I smile slowly, watching his eyes for any movement. The glares felt harder against my back.

"That's a long time, so since you were one. Where did you live before?"

"Here, good ol' Wang." I said in an over spontaneous accent. He laughed quietly for a second then erupted into barks of laughter. It was weird, like he suddenly remembered something funny.

"I'm sorry, just remembered," bullseye! "A little memory."

"I don't mind, have you lived here long?"

"A year, I only started work though."

"Where was your former residence?"

"Darwin, but before that Perth, I'm a Westie." He copied my accent perfectly which made me feel a little more comfortable. Sadly lunch ended too soon for my liking. We headed off in our different directions. But I felt a very familiar gaze on my back as I walked out the door.

That night, my dreams starred those eyes, those looks, that teacher… Mr Cullen.


	3. Chapter 3

**27/02/09 – A month later**

A month since the first glance, I had made friends, enemies and acquaintances. One girl I had made friends with was Alice Gold Brandon; yes her middle name is Gold. She was very short and quirky; she was also captain of the school's basketball team. She was hilarious, she never missed an opportunity to make a joke, sing a song and/or just talk. She was my exact opposite. I loved her that way. She was the only person I trusted with my secret, I had told her about my growing feelings for our English/History teacher. She was never the one to tell anybody something they shouldn't know.

Talking about love, my feelings for Mr. Edward Cullen (yes I had also found out his first name) had tripled over the past month. And what have I got to loose, my spotless permanent record, my virginity? A single mistake and this could all go terribly wrong. What am I even thinking? As if he'd ever notice me for more than a "poor, helpless" student who may or may not doodle his last name tacked to my name all over my English book. I must remember to get a new one.

I zoned out as Alice rambled on about her brother coming for dinner until she mentioned, "You should come Bella, and I think you'll become quite attached." I smiled and politely muttered that I was going over anyway. So we parted ways as school ended after Alice telling me to be ready by 5pm or she'll unleash her eyelash curler on me. I checked my watch and saw that if I got home fast enough I'd have a little over an hour. I ran home and check the hallway clock.

"An hour and a half, perfect." I threw myself into the shower thoroughly washing my hair, I blow dried it then curled it warily to make sure it looked exactly how Alice liked it. I put on some eye makeup and the smallest amount of blush I could muster. I slipped on the dress she made me buy a week ago at the very crowded Queen Victoria Market.

It was a halter neck cocktail dress spluttered with sequins and beads, it was red showing off my tanned skin. The dress stopped a full five centimetres above my knee, I know, I got Alice to measure it. I ripped the tag off the zip on the side and slipped it over my bra and boy legs before slipping on the semi-heels I found from my year ten formal.

When Alice arrived outside my house, (I almost forgot to say she's a full year older than me, she's nineteen) I walked outside and she gasped so conspicuously I think I saw the regular dog walkers turn their heads even though they were already half way down the street. I shuffled out onto the footpath and slid into her vintage Holden Commodore, which was also a stock car once upon a time.

Her house was incredibly easy to find… if you knew what you were looking for. I guessed it was a late eighteen-ninety design which astoundingly was right, almost. It was an eighteen-ninety-four refurbished villa. The entrance was a large arch above our heads; the door was oak, polished to a blinding shine. The floor boards were like that as well. The walls were an off white barely visible behind all the knick knacks and photos hammered anywhere into the wall yet it felt more like a home than mine did. I walked along the hall giving Alice a smile over my shoulder every now and then. If I looked back any later I would've missed the tiny woman in front of me.

"Hello dear, you must be Isabella. I'm Esme, Alice's mum." Only then did I see the resemblance between her mother and Alison. They had the same blue eyes and pale skin but their hair colour was on different sides of the spectrum. Alison's was a deep gold, hint her middle name, her mother's was a very deep brown, darker than any other shade I had laid my chocolate brown eyes on. That was when I realised I was supposed to answer.

"Yes, I am. I suppose your son is here?"

"No, he's running a bit late." But then the door bell rang. Esme hurried off to answer the door, when she opened the door and I saw the figure standing behind it I never wanted to be more invisible in that striking red dress in my whole life. Mr. Edward Cullen stood there with mouth gaping open at the sight of me. I flushed in embarrassment and smiled a very small smile and flew up the stairs, to where I was going was a plain mystery. I saw the name Alice painted on one of the doors and I barged in. By what I saw, I was mystified. It was a deep shade of scarlet and the bed was covered in the exact same shade. The desk was oak like most of the house. The chair was leather and soft, which I discovered by sitting on it. I ran my hands over the many, many books on the shelves all of very good taste. I laid my eyes on the photos, which was also when I discovered this was not Alice's room… it was Mr. Cullen's and that was also when he decided to pop out of no where.

"Like what you see, Bella?" he said after a very deep throat clearing, which by the way, scared me half to death.

"You have an excellent taste in books," I turned to his CD stack. By that I was also perplexed by, for a man of such a young age he had a very classical taste like me. "Also music but I had expected that." I lied smoothly; at least I thought I did.

"You are very smart although your lying is very dry; it is easy to tell whether or not you're telling the truth." I jumped when I heard his voice from very close behind me. "So… what do you think of me? I won't say anything to anyone, not a soul, tell me Bella." His hand traced my spine, leaving a trail like fire just like I thought it would.

"I think, you're an excellent teacher; you're captivating, your voice is entrancing as everything else is." But he could tell I was telling half truths.

"Liar," he hissed, his lips met with my neck, all these weeks of denial was the only thing that kept me grounded, refusing to play his little game. "You are attracted to me; I see it every time you look at me, every time I call you up for your opinion, every time I keep you back after class. It's there, in your eyes, in your voice. You've been hiding it and so have I." he breathed heavily, his hands now tracing every inch that was defined by the dress, "I think I'm in love with you Miss Swan." I froze what? Did he just say that, straight out of his perfectly plastered lips?

He took my silence as a way of contemplating his next move, thus he whispered with his breath drifting around my ear, "I will never let you go until I have you." It sounded more of a threat than a way of seduction but my hormone enraged body refused for me to leave. He was giving me my wildest fantasies, why decline? But I remembered everything, my family, friends, my career, my life; it all came flooding back as his hands made their way up my thigh.

"I'm leaving, whether you have me or not Edward Cullen. I'm not going to risk my life just to follow my poor battered heart." I ran down the oak stairs I used as a rescue away from the very same man only ten minutes ago. I don't know why but when I saw Alice I hugged her, tears fell from my waterproof eyes and I just stood there and cried.

Alice took me upstairs to her real room, the one opposite the one by which I am now haunted. I sat one her white bed and noticed the differences between the two rooms. Alice's was a light blue with a sweet chocolate brown ceiling; she had a mini chandelier hanging from the centre of it. It was an original from the Buckingham Palace… apparently. I believed her; sure she was the only person, besides Mr. Cullen, who knew about my feelings but there was something about the original I was sceptical about. The way they glittered in the light just wasn't right so I asked her to go get a ladder. I climbed up and held one "crystal" in my hand and as I thought it was as fake as the world is flat

"Fake, as the world is flat," I voiced out loud. An all too familiar bark of hysterical laughter erupted from the door way. It gave me a startle and I fell backwards onto the awaiting floorboards. But I never reached my doom; two strong arms I had dreamt of for the past month caught me, bridal style. As quickly as I was caught I had two feet planted on the ground and before I could thank him, he had disappeared.

He reappeared before dinner, without a word, no excuse for his rudeness as I thought he would have done. He kept his eyes on the ground and running his hand through his hair in annoyance. I guessed it was my fault so I thanked him for saving me from a trip to the hospital. He looked so perplexed it was quite funny.

"Why would you thank me? I've just been horrible to you for going into my room without permission. However here, I am in no control over you, I misunderstood my place. I am forever sorry." He eyed me with a pleading look in his eyes; he quickly shifted them towards his parents. I realised that he didn't want them to know about his disrespectful like attitude towards me.

"Not need to be sorry, you were forgiven after the words left your mouth." I smiled and gave a slight nod showing him that I understood his predicament.

Dinner was finished and Mr. Cullen took me home.

"Thankyou," I looked at him, extremely confused, "For lying for me, the way I treated you was very discourteous of me. I am ashamed of my behaviour. Please forgive me." He didn't look me in the eye, which I was grateful for because either we would crash or he would see the tears.

"Do you have to sound like you're five times your age? But either way you're forgiven." He relaxed his tense posture and I drifted my eyes to the lit up speedometer, "Holy shit! Slow the hell down!"

"What? Oh I must have pushed too hard with all the frustration building up inside of me." He eased off the pedal and we eased slowly on to my street. He came to a stop right in front of my lit up house. I thanked him before dashing down the path then watching his car do a U-turn and drive back down the street.

For the final time that night, I thought about the words Mr. Cullen had said to me, did he mean them? Did he mean to say them out loud? Am I to go on pretending that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't matter that he wants me, that I want him the exact same way? Do I have to keep pretending now? Can I just express myself to him in so many gooey and romantic words I might throw up halfway through? I changed into my pyjamas slowly considering every side of the story, like a good writer would. I had come to conclusions of my "case":

He said he's in love with me.

I feel the exact same way.

He's a teacher; I'm _his _student so it is insolently illegal.

I'm friends with his sister for goodness sakes! What would she think? And why didn't she tell me?

_I'm running again but this time I'm running normally. It's brighter now but it's blurry. I want to rub my eyes and see everything. I want to be able to see clearly, a fog rises in front of me. I fling my arms through it, trying to escape but it's not working. A face, _the _face pops up and explains to me why it is happening and when it leaves everything is clear, it's not blurry. I see the sunny town of Wangaratta surrounding me. People I pass are looking at me weirdly it was at that moment I realised I was on I tightrope floating in mid-air tied to nothing, just stretched on as far as my eyes could see. I tried to get off but my feet were stuck, the foot path was only half a metre below me. It was in that case I comprehended that my feelings for my teacher glued me here and nothing, absolutely nothing could take me off until I burnt my feelings until there was nothing but the ashes of what there once was._

_I tired easily when I tried jumping off that stupid rope but even in my dreams killing off love was impossible. I couldn't help it; I pushed with my feet trying to free myself. It worked; it really worked except I fell into the dark obis below again. I tried running but it slow and helpless. I stopped and sat waiting for something to take me back to the tightrope._

I woke up; roughly still I had woken up. My mum rushed in asking if I was okay, she had seen the exact same dream only hers didn't include Mr. Cullen so I kept that bit out. She asked if I was alright, if anything I knew could've caused the connection between our dreams. I shook my head, no. If I told her about my feelings she'd have him on a restraining order and I didn't want that. So instead I lied.

"It was just a mother-daughter connected nightmare, I was fretting about university over at Alison's, and it must have helped my nightmare." I fibbed. Instantly guilt started to bit at me, however I was a good actress with years of practice, I fooled her into leaving my room. I locked the door and waited until I knew she wasn't going to overhear something I called Alice, to my surprise Mr. Cullen picked it up. We talked about my dream and agreed; we were never going to start a relationship until the law said it was time. That was a year and three months away and if our feelings were still as strong as ever we'd start a cool, more than friends relationship and no one had a say in our choices.

Only did I know this is something we both didn't want to do but I knew that the next year was going to be living hell.


	4. Chapter 4

_06/03/09 – It's impossible to be a law abider_

That is not near enough words to describe how attainable perfect lives were, impossible. Mr. Cullen and I were just too needy for what we both wanted, each other. I know it sounds tacky but a week in to our year and three months no love game was a little hard, okay it's really hard like harder than steel. It wasn't that we were weak in the knees each time the other was within a few feet of each other, okay maybe it was but it was just that we were so… young and helpless? No I sound so old when I say that. We're just driven by hormones, yeah that sounds better.

It was English period; my knees were knocking as I entered the refurbished classroom. This was really the first time I took in the interior, the walls were panelled and the floor was covered in soft carpet and sunk your feet with each step. That was the major setup of the room. My eyes wandered to my teacher who was scribbling another teaser onto the board.

_She stood there in my living room in a striking red dress, her eyes caught mine. She looked at me with such longing and restraint I felt almost guilty. My sister dragged her here to make me happy, so I could claim my prize but her appearance made me think twice about my action. She ran up the stair case and hid._

Was he trying to get me killed? I slumped into my chair and fiddled with me pen. Mr. Cullen called the class to order and said he was going to read a piece of work by a very talented student. I sighed.

"This piece was done by Miss Swan. It is titled, "Where's the Footpath Gone?"

"_I'm running again but this time I'm running normally. It's brighter now but it's blurry. I want to rub my eyes and see everything. I want to be able to see clearly, a fog rises in front of me. I fling my arms through it, trying to escape but it's not working. A face, the face pops up and explains to me why it is happening and when it leaves everything is clear, it's not blurry. I see the sunny town of Wangaratta surrounding me. People I pass are looking at me weirdly it was at that moment I realised I was on I tightrope floating in mid-air tied to nothing, just stretched on as far as my eyes could see. I tried to get off but my feet were stuck, the foot path was only half a metre below me. It was in that case I comprehended that my feelings for my teacher glued me here and nothing, absolutely nothing could take me off until I burnt my feelings until there was nothing but the ashes of what there once was._

_I tired easily when I tried jumping off that stupid rope but even in my dreams killing off love was impossible. I couldn't help it; I pushed with my feet trying to free myself. It worked; it really worked except I fell into the dark obis below again. I tried running but it slow and helpless. I stopped and sat waiting for something to take me back to the tightrope._**"** He finished, everyone looked at me with mouths agape. Astounded looks crossed their faces.

"Would you like to explain this, Miss Swan?" he'd done this a lot. He picked my piece of writing and made me explain it.

"It was dream I had, the night I left my friends house, I was fretting about my future before I went to asleep. I believe that may have been what caused it. I had dream on the night of my birthday like that one but I couldn't move fast enough." I pulled out my notebook and read, "_I was running, my legs were pumping, and my arms were thrashing through the air. I had almost made it, almost. Then two strong hands grabbed my ankles, they pulled me back from the bright, white light, they pulled me away from reality, they pulled me away from knowledge. It hurt, this darkness, I wanted to see, to be able to learn what lies behind the half truths I had been told by my parents, my grandparents, family friends, friends etc. I pushed harder to escape, to live for once, to know like other girls my age, to experience things I've been forbidden._" Everyone clapped when I was done, they didn't get what I was trying to tell them. They didn't get that I was trapped in a box, it was placed there by my family, and it was solid and made of cement, no information I wanted came in and nothing went out. I wanted so badly to see over the walls that would never fall until I made them. They were the protection my family could supply to keep the world away from me. I was in a box marked "Fragile, do not open." But I am wise and I know what is happening even though my parents won't believe me.

"So I stand on this tightrope not moving, striking against my position, I wanted to walk among other people but sadly I am stuck here on the tight rope not know what lays before me." More clapping erupted. Tears filled my crystallised eyes, I cried. Why you might ask, I cried because they were blind, blind like a fruit bat, never seeing the light of day, just surviving on instincts. Mr. Dubois looked at me with his watering grey eyes and looked away ashamed that this was his fault, for pulling me onto the tightrope with him.

Lunch came around and Alison told me, "I didn't tell you that Edward was my brother because I knew once I did you'd stop liking him and then he'd be heart broken." I looked at her dumbfounded.

"You'd do that just to save your brother at heart break? I'd guess it's purely a sibling thing because that seems so foreign to me." She laughed my bewildered rambling. She received a text while I was still incoherent.

"'You're so cute when you ramble' according to my brother." I reddened. She giggled and told me to reply.

_Thanks for that, getting cocky are we? _I sent to him. I immediately got a reply.

_But you were. _I shook my head in frustration.

_Hold your tongue or I'll cut it off. _I sent but this time I turned to see him making his way toward me.

"Wouldn't you like to use it for better purposes?" he whispered seductively into my ear. As I was about to reply he walked away. I fumed, how can he be so irritating yet so damn attractive at the same time? It gets on my nerves, a lot.

"Oh, you guys are so cute together!" Alice bounced in her seat.

"Cut it or your tongue will become my lunch." I glared at her, but failed, miserably.

The day ended smoothly with Mr. Cullen sending me texts throughout classes with snide comments which he knew I couldn't return since I'd get my phone confiscated. I walked out of the main entrance and immediately froze. Mr. Cullen was devouring Miss Charles. I stumbled backwards and fell causing everything to fall out of my tote bag which also made a very, very loud noise disturbing the lovers' intimacy. Although the look on Mr. Cullen face didn't say he'd enjoyed the make out 'sesh' at all. He helped me gather my things and explained she was an ex-girlfriend. I instantly relaxed.

He called me that night apologising for what I saw plus that he didn't start it and for some strange reason I believed him.


	5. Chapter 5

_11/04/09 – Truth or Dare_

Alice had invited me over for a sleepover. How foolish was I? I mean, with Edward staying at his childhood home and Alice knowing about my secret, who knows what catastrophes, could erupt.

Yet I was kind enough to agree and there I was stuck in between her sister, Jessica and her brother, Emmett, plus their boyfriend and girlfriend, Mike and Rosalie were on the either side of them with Alison next to Alex and directly across from me and next to her, Edward. It was nerve wracking, Alice was infamous for her dares and I had only lived here a couple of months whilst surviving her games by not sleeping over, at all. However my time had come and right then Emmett said it was Edward's turn to ask me. I fidgeted in my very small seat. Edward said my name; I looked up pleading him with my eyes to be merciful.

"Truth or Dare?" I froze, and then I thought what if his dare involves him?

"Dare," I said proudly, I watched his face, seeing if he was deciding something tough but as soon I finished speaking he smiled, no, he smirked at me.

"Kiss me." He stated, smugly. For once I thanked Alice for being a total evil minded bitch. I stood up, "You have to straddle me." He chewed the piece of gum in his mouth and watched my face carefully. I knew he was going to use this on Monday. So I climbed onto his lap with my chest rubbing against his. He moaned. I ran my hands through his hair and I leaned in so my lips were at his ear.

"You _really_ shouldn't have said that." I purred. I moved back and without warning his lips attacked mine. He was so fierce but as I thought his lips were soft and plump as they looked. I locked my hands in his navy hair and tugged while his hands ran over my body. As soon as we started we finished but instead of running in embarrassment I stood up and sat back in my spot, well at least I _tried _to. Two strong hands tugged my wait and there I was back on Edward's lap. I blushed, aren't we supposed to be pretending we feel nothing?

As if to answer my unspoken question his breath circled around my ear as he whispered, "They know about me liking you, they think we're brave. Except for Rosalie, she's always thought I was a prick." I giggled mindlessly.

"Okay, Bella your turn to dare someone," Alice winked at me, I smiled pompously. I looked around the room and spotted Rosalie.

"Truth or Dare?" I smiled at her.

"Dare," she stated.

"I dare you to spend ten minutes with Emmett in Alice's wardrobe locked up," she smiled but what I said next made that smile disappeared, "There are rules, one: no kissing, two: you are only allowed to hold hands and three: you have to say the three people you would rather date than each other." She hated me; I could see it in her deep blue eyes.

"You are going to pay for this Swan."

"Sure what ever you say." She stood up and took Jason's hand then squashed my bare feet with her stilettos.

"Sorry, I really must watch where I'm stepping; I do care for little _parasites_ like you." She sneered. I put up the finger in her gorgeous face. She feigned hurt then dragged a very apologetic Emmett behind her. Once they were locked in we returned to facing each other.

"I'm sorry," Edward tightened his grip around my waist, "She's not usually that bad but you seem to pretty for her liking." I gagged.

"I'm pretty? You have got to be joking! She should really look in the mirror more often, no then it'd be stuck in front of her face. Seriously though is anyone should win Miss Universe it has to be her." I sighed looking down at the floor, Edward's warm hand reached to pull my chin up.

"Yes she may be beautiful, but beauty Miss Swan is only skin deep." He winked at my then traced patterns on my back as I leaned forward to rest my head in my hands, not because I was worried or was I thinking. I was embarrassed. I know it was stupid to feel that way but how often do you hear you gorgeous English teacher tell you that you're pretty and that you have an awesome persona.

When ten minutes was up we returned to our normal spots, much to my dismay. We continued the game when it was my turn to answer a truth, I froze.

"Truth is it?" Alice said with fake surprise, "Well Isabella Swan, you are in a little pickle aren't you?" I swallowed and prayed that she'd be merciful nevertheless she pulled the most secretive one out of the hat, "Do you ever fantasise about you and Edward? If so I ask you to tell us the least of the gory fantasies." I swallowed again this time, louder and full of fear. If I said no, they'd see through the lie. If I said yes I'd have to find the least gory of my gory fantasies.

"Uh… well… yes…" I stammered while quickly sneaking a glance at Edward who had a very relieved look on his face, "However I can't seem to remember a not-so gory fantasy." I finished quickly.

"That's fine, I'm sure Edward has one." He stiffened when his sister pulled out a book. "_She called out while everyone was doing their essays, 'So, Edward have you got anything better to do?' it frightened me, we were in the middle of class. We agreed to not be open for the sake of our careers. She ripped off her uniform to reveal a very tempting piece of lingerie. I moaned in excitement and pain, was she _trying _to kill me?" _Alice looked between our faces then back at the book. "_She swayed her hips as she walked down the desks, boys were flinging five dollar bills at her, and girls were cheering. She spun my chair to face her, she leaned down and whispered, 'I couldn't help myself, and you're just too good.'_"

She closed the damn book and everyone left, leaving Edward and I the only ones in the room. He tried catching my eyes, ignored his efforts and stood up leaving my only opportunity to have him to fly out the stained glass window.

I had received twenty calls by the time Alice and I reached my house. Although that didn't include the fifty messages and hundred and fifty emails I had received by midnight. Was I really that blind? To see that he really didn't love me, he was just going to use me like a toy, wait until I was available to pounce then leave me, tattered and broken. I pulled my pillow to my chest and cried myself to sleep. Was I ever going to learn?


	6. Chapter 6

_17/06/09 – Lusting words made of whiteboard marker ink._

Weird, that was the only word to describe how I felt when I walked into English every day for the past two months and not seeing him writing some form if apology as a teaser… until today.

"Miss Swan, please hurry and take a seat." Mr. Cullen scolded. M_aybe he got over his little fascination with me after all. _A tiny voice in the back of my head suggested and like I have been for the past two months I believed it.

"Now, before I was rudely interrupted, I was explaining about why I hadn't been writing teasers for the past… two months." He looked at me and he wasn't subtle, "My idea for that story of the teacher and his student was cut short. Why, you may ask, because I wanted to see if your stories were any better without my example." I rolled my eyes. "And they weren't, so today Miss I-must-roll-my-eyes Swan is going to come up and write one for me." I gulped. What? However being the perfect student I am, I stood up and started writing.

_She stared at me, pleading. I sighed and thought up something less disastrous to our agreement to lie low. "Kiss me." I said simply, smiling as if I'd tricked her. She stood up and I added, for fun, "You have to straddle me." I chewed my gum and watched her walk over to me. She sat so close that my chest was touching her breasts, I moaned at the contact. She ran her hands through my hair and leaned so her lips touched my ear._

"_You really shouldn't have said that." She breathed_

Everyone gasped, was I really that good? Mr. Cullen whistled but unlike everyone else I notice his eyes raking over me as my uniform, after many weekends being pounded by the washing machine, had finally softened and become a lot more flattering, which I was grateful for.

"Well done, you took the words right out of my hand." I don't know why but I smiled, triumphantly. I sat back down with a quick last glance at Mr. Cullen. We weren't on even ground but it wasn't jagged either. I smiled knowing that one day it will be smooth, well at least as smooth as a teacher-student "friendship" can be.

I sat down and doodled, my form of doodling isn't drawing. No, it's creating little quotes and teasers on the cover of my English book.

"Miss Swan, stop doodling and pay attention. Come up here and show the class your English book." Mr. Cullen stood behind me. I stood up from my seat at the back and picked up my book. It was purple with various sentences in a black fine liner. Nobody made a sound, nobody moved; nobody even blinked. I sat back down and huffed, what a waste of time! After that interruption I ignored Mr. Cullen. I hurried out as soon as the bell went.

My lunch was very… boring. Mr. Cullen joined his sister and me but Alice caught the negative vibes floating off us and made no conversation for the whole of lunch, which I am overjoyed by. She knew things were bad when your best friend and your brother are both emitting hatred like sweat.

School ended slower than imaginable, the bell was a nasally sound and the students' gossiping was just an infuriating hum in the back of my head. Unfortunately for me, my Maths teacher was away so guess who had to take my class as an E.T. You guessed it, Mr. Cullen. It was very uncomfortable. I finished off my homework and had nothing to do, so Mr. Cullen called me outside for "a discussion on my English" translated into guy-teacher-who-is-after-his-student 'English': "I want some 'alone' time" but cooperatively I stood up and exited the cluttered class room

"What?" I snapped, with intent. I avoided his eyes to show my agitation.

"You're impossible," a teacher came out of the class room next door, "Miss Cullen, your actions in there towards Miss…" he looked at me for help.

"Parker," I whispered.

"Parker were unacceptable, explain yourself." The teacher turned the corner, "As I was saying before I was, rudely, interrupted." He sneered at the now invisible teacher, "You're impossible, to resist. These past two months I've been restraining myself from jumping you, each and every class." He looked at me with his eyes like fire, his hands straight and unnatural by his side, his posture the same.

"You can't have me, I don't want you." I lied, I had been practicing, my voice was solid, unquestionable, my posture casual, and my eyes were serious. There was nothing he could doubt, unless he had abnormal hearing because my heart was hammering my weakening ribcage.

"What?" He almost shouted, "What about the kiss? Didn't that mean anything to you?"

"It did, at the time but now? Nothing, I feel nothing." I smiled apologetically,

"Well I guess, I'm here waiting for you, our deal is still on." Mr. Cullen opened the door for me and I entered. Alice had a frightened expression on her face; a small, comforting smile was planted on mine for her to see and only her. I sat down and pulled out my notebook. I ripped the page out which had all my uncreative doodles on it about me and Edward. I let a tear fall before lifting my head to look out the window.

The scene was picturesque; "white ghost" gum trees surrounded a small lake where a man was pushing the oars to the rowboat his beautiful partner was sitting with him. I smiled at the romantic picture. I turned back to the front and saw Mr. Cullen smiling at the exact same picture I had observed, from his stance in front of the window. He turned and his eyes caught mine, he mouthed, 'Me and you.' I sighed and shook my head. 'Never,' I mouthed back. He looked down with a sad expression on his tanned face.

My phone rang that night, all from Edward. Then he left one text saying:

_She sat in the row boat with me, her eyes a sparkling brown. Her long flowing brown hair with its hot pink streaks flew in the cool breeze. The lake was calm and peaceful. I loved her, my beautiful girl; every bit of her was just ludicrous. Oh, how much I wanted her was nothing compared to how much I needed her._

"_I love you, my cherry blossom." I declared, awaiting her response, I looked at the crystal blue water full of life just on the surface like the woman with me now._

"_As I love you." She smiled her awe-inspiring smile. I knew it then and there, she was mine and I was hers._

_But that was when I woke up and remembered, she was not mine but I was hers. She has my heart and yet I don't have hers._


	7. Chapter 7

_20/06/09 – A letter from a lover_

He sent me a letter, of the finest paper and the smoothest handwriting. It smelt like roses and tulips, my two favourite flowers. He wrote:

_Bella,_

_It is hard to sleep at night without the knowledge that you love me but it is wrong to know that you do. I know I am being unreasonable but can you blame me? I'm a man, however for my crime; I do not think I can be classified as human anymore. _

_I am selfish but would you expect better of me, an idiot for every letting my heart lead me to you? I hope not. I am sorry for making you feel the need to cut of your feelings just to save your life from plummeting to the lowest level, my level. I see no harm in sending this to you; keep it as a reminder of the options for your life to veer to._

_Isabella, your name is like a rolled up velvet rug being unravelled off my tongue, as of now every night I repeat a paragraph from, 'The Host' written by Stephenie Meyer: _"I, a soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And this will never change, no matter what I might become." I worded it carefully, so that there would be no lie in my voice, "If I were a Dolphin or a Bear or a Flower, it wouldn't matter. I would always love you, always remember you. You will be my only partner." _This is how I feel for you, I want you to know that, whatever happens to us, good or bad, my love for you is the only thing that will be as strong as steel. It'll outweigh anything but inside, like me, it is soft and gooey. I could be even more of a starry-eyed unrealistic fool but there is so much paper in the world._

_My heart belongs to you and no one else, always remember me,_

_Mr. Edward Cullen, your teacher and not-so-secret aficionado._

Has my teacher hit the floor _that _hard? My only answer was yes, yes he had. I sent him a message, I typed:

_In reply to your heart racing letter: Don't say it like you're saying goodbye, please… I love you._

He didn't reply but I knew he always had his phone on and with him. He must be taken aback by my unguarded words, there was no lie I could muster from a text to my teacher. Was I making a mistake? Was I opening myself just enough to get hurt? Was I being stupid, was i…? I trailed off because just then my phone rang playing the lyrics to 'Comatose' by Skillet.

_I hate feeling like this,_

_So tired of trying to fight this,_

_I'm asleep and all I dream of,_

_Is waking up to you._

I fished it out of my tote bag where I had placed it when I gave up waiting for Scott to reply. I didn't bother with looking at the caller-ID.

"Hello, Isabella here, who am I talking to?" I said with fake enthusiasm.

"I was wondering if you ordered a Mr. Edward Cullen with a medium garlic pizza?" replied a very high pitched voice.

"No, but I'll have it anyway."

Edward's voice announced through the speaker: "He's at your front door." He hung up and I rushed to the door, tripping in my scurry. I contained my composure as I opened the door. Yet there was nothing I could've done to save myself from the sight of my teacher, drenched in rain water carrying a dry box of pizza, how he managed that was a mystery to me.

"Come in," I gestured to the deserted hall, which was odd for a Saturday at my house, usually my parents were home making sure I didn't have any boys over by request of 'the nonni'.

"Thankyou, here's your pizza too." He handed me the toasty warm box of pizza. I opened the lid and written in lollies was the words, "As I love you." The words from his dream, the ones he dreamt I said.

"Your too swe-" his lips were on mine, though not as fierce as our first kiss, it was slow building, his hands cupped the side of my face and mine held his waist.

"Bella, I'm ho-" my mum's piercing screech filled the house. We broke apart and the saying "If looks could kill" flashed before my eyes, the look my mum was giving me right now could give that saying a run for its money. It scared me half to death, her eyes were red and her face was purple.

"I'll leave," Edward scampered out the door; an eerie silence fell between my mother and me.

"Finally!" she laughed. Wait she's laughing? "Bella, I was scared you were going to let that one hot teacher pass you by."

"Uh, mum may I remind you, he's a teacher and I'm I student plus what we're doing is illegal. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" who are you and what have you done with my mum?

"Lighten up, you're such an adult!" my jaw dropped, what?

"I'm doing something illegal and you're okay with it? What the fuck?" woops, maybe initiating an illicit relationship was "fine" with my mum but I don't exactly think swearing in front of her was wise either.

"You're just too cute for your own good." She pinched my cheek and left.

"So what did your mum say?" Edward enquired.

"She's okay with it…. No, that'd be too light of a term to describe her happiness."

"You're kidding me, she's okay with us and our relationship being… impossible?"

"Yeah I know, it's scary, she practically was sitting around waiting for it to happen."

"Whoa, I don't think my mum will be that understanding." I laughed, "I better let you sleep, goodnight beautiful girl."

"Night wonder man." He laughed then hung up. I lied on my back for a long time that night, trying to get to sleep. It wouldn't wash over me. I sighed and pulled out my Ipod, I replayed 'Yours to Hold' by Skillet over and over until my head hurt and I was quietly singing along. I closed my eyes to pleasurable dreams of Edward.


	8. Chapter 8

**27/06/09 – Officially but secretly an item**

Don't you just love the sound of your name being groaned by your lover in his secluded cottage in the outer suburbs of Wangaratta? Okay that may have been a little too much information for everyone I think. I'll stop but yes, we have had sex. Sinful aren't I? Mum didn't care when I told her, just as long as she knew we used contraception. It's not like I'm going to risk anything, even though I've started taking the Pill.

It's a cloudy Saturday in Wangaratta, the annual rainfalls are still happening with loads of collection in our underground water tanks, how awesome? Every day I text Edward, we say civil things and we say dirty things; all lovers do that, right? I've finished all my books and for the second weekend in a row my parents aren't home but this time I'm not having an uninvited visitor pop by and get me into loads of trouble.

Edward and I can't go out in public together just in case someone sees _everything,_ when I'm in his car I hide; I sink into the back seat and pretend I'm not there. We don' talk, as a precaution if someone sees his head turn a millimetre to the left with his lips moving and his head nodding or shaking in disagreement. We both knew that was a stupid idea, as we survived on one another's voice.

"Hey gorgeous, whatcha wearing?" Edward purred, I didn't feel seduced, I felt pissed off at our secrecy.

"Not now, I'm not in the mood." I grumbled into the receiver.

"Someone sitting on a bindii?" I giggled.

"No, it's just the whole secrecy thing, its getting exasperating."

"I know what you mean,"

"Aren't you going to say, it's for our protection and stuff like that?"

"No, not tonight; I'm out of it too."

"Yay, two grumble bums on the phone to each other, such a perfect couple." I said with sarcasm. He chuckled.

"Your cute when you're pissed off and talking with sarcasm."

"You are weird and I like it."

"I know you do." I could practically see him grinning madly.

"You're smiling that goofy grin aren't you?" I asked with fake curiosity.

"How'd you know?"

"It's my sixth sense." I stated.

"Ah, my girlfriend's a freak." We laughed.

"Duh, she's your student." He didn't laugh.

"Isabella, you're a shame." He lightened the sudden tense atmosphere.

"Oh, you're going to pay for that Cullen."

"How are you gonna make me? Write off my pay check?" he laughed darkly.

"No sex," he gasped, "For a whole month." He groaned.

"You're no fun, Swan."

"I forgot to tell you, I watched Ratatouille before, I'm a famous French chef." I smiled proudly.

"You just got cuter."

"I got cuter because I said I was a French guy chef, since when were you bisexual?"

"Since you said you were a French guy chef." He retorted.

"Smooth, real smooth."

"Like peanut butter."

"No, more like cornflakes with ovaltines and sugar."

"Are you that weird?"

"No but your sister is."

"Hold on a second," I heard a muffled cry of, 'Alice, Bella says your weird 'cause you eat ovaltines and sugar with cornflakes." Alice came back with, 'I'm only weird because she doesn't'. I laughed.

"I better let you go. Goodnight no-ovaltines-and-sugar-with-your-cornflakes girl."

"Yeah but neither do you."

"Willingly, I don't eat them _willingly_."

"Oh…" we said our good byes and hung up.

_I was on the tightrope, again. This time I could see everything: the footpath beneath the rope; the bemused expressions of the people passing me by; the dogs who were yapping; and the children crying. Next to me on his very own tightrope was Edward, he had a smile that could give President Obahma a run for his money, his teeth glimmered in the sunlight, his lips surrounding them like red shaped balloons. We were holding hands and walking down the street on tightropes, how much more conspicuous could you get about flaunting a teacher-student fling? But no one yelled out criminals or scandals, they smiled and waved. This had to be an alternate universe of some kind. Teachers from my very own school were just waving and smiling as if all in the world was right. Oh how wrong they were._

I wished for a miracle, to save me from this disaster some may call love. I flipped to the back few pages of my copy of 'The Host' and whispered line after line to sink into my brain. It smiled and found two words that summed up everything, perfectly, "Gone native." I rubbed my finger across the words trying to pry them out of the page, "If Burns and Wanderer and Sunny could all 'go against the grain' so to speak well then so would I." I smiled to myself then slapped myself mentally. I heard a low chuckle from the darkest corner of the room.

"You're so cute when you're declaring yourself," Edward emerged into the light, he was topless but had his trackies on which also didn't do such a good job at hiding his boner.

"Nice," I gestured my hand towards his 'outfit'. He sank into the bed next to me and we slept, peacefully.


	9. Chapter 9

**28/07/09 – My eyes are open and now I see the reality in front of me**

Miss Tanya Denali was her name and I envied her. Her body was trimmed and picturesque, her hair was long and strawberry blonde, her eyes were a deep sea blue and her skin was as pale as snow. She sauntered in, unannounced, with her hips swaying inches from impossible. When Edward looked up, I had a feeling he'd never, ever look down again. He looked at me and for once, there was no lust in his eyes, only shame. I registered that this meant we were over. Our little scandal was over and through. He turned to the whiteboard and started writing.

_From the student's perspective:_

"_I'm sorry and I always will be but we need to part. Our little fling has gone on for far too long to be healthy for either of us. Of course I will always hold me feelings for you." I said._

_He looked at me with pure sadness but said, strongly and manly, "Yes, this has gone on for far too long and your right, it isn't healthy, at all." he left me, as tired and as upset as I was, I did not shed a tear for the man who's name I screamed on the top of my lungs for teasing me. You may think low of me for not crying but I said what I meant and meant what I said however it doesn't mean I will forget. I walked away from the direction he was heading in, into the world, into my real world._

People around me had tears in their blind eyes but me? No, I sat up straight and squared my shoulders. I was not going to weaken in front of my friends and ex-lover. Never will I ever remind myself of this day, I shall read it over and over in my scrawled hand writing but no pain will hurt me, any words written in whiteboard marker will never affect again as strongly as they had for the past six months. I smiled, proud of myself for being strong. Mr. Cullen smiled at me, full grin with this woman inching closer to him afraid she was doing something wrong. He looked at me as if asking my permission, I nodded. He was free, he needed no secrecy now, and he could flaunt his girl down the street without having to worry about anything and everything.

Tanya knows about what "we" had, guess what? She was totally fine with it. In her exact words, "It's totally brave of both of you to ever commit to something so dangerous and sinful in such a demanding world. You especially Isabella, you could've ignored your heart and left him dangling but no, you went on and forgot everything you lived by to be with him. That is what deserves a medal, not those men over in Iraq fighting over nothing!" she threw her hands up in the air and continued talking, "I am so proud also that you let him dump you, in class through a whiteboard. I mean come on; I would've been throwing books at him and telling him to fuck the hell off." She beamed at her boyfriend.

"I didn't care at the time, when I saw you enter I remembered the big, wide world and how many women I'm holding him back from." I winked, "It _was _at stupid thing to do anyway, no matter how courageous and 'against the grain' it was, it was still plain dumb." Edward's expression portrayed hurt, so I said, "What I'm saying is, I don't regret it. I just think it was a really stupid thing to do with my family being against "schivo puttana" and things like that I was in deep shit if they found out." He nodded understanding.

"So you're totally okay with me being with Tanya?"

"Sure, you deserve to have someone you can actually hold hands with." we laughed but Edward and I forced our laughter.

When Edward and Tanya dropped me home, Edward came out and hugged me.

"I'm sorry, I should've had the balls to tell you in person but I hadn't expected Tanya to come until I called her."

"She was waiting for us to be over?" I said with hurt masking my voice.

"She knew about us and what I was doing, she is my best friend. I wanted her to talk to you if you cried of anything like that."

"Nice… anyway see you Mr. Cullen." I hugged him before scampering inside. Although as I shut the door I thought I faintly heard from behind me, "Goodbye my sweet."

_The tightrope was next to me and I was walking along the footpath. I looked to the pair on the parallel ropes; they were struggling so I held their hands and guided them along until they could balance by themselves. I took a glance at their faces and recognised them instantly. Edward and Tanya, the two people who needed help. Why were they on the tightrope? Two tags were attached to Edward's jacket I read them._

"_Teacher-student relationship" said the faded one, "Bisexual," I nodded as if I understood and I did._

When I woke up in the middle of the night, I smiled. I'm not the one on the tightrope anymore but I'm not free from it. I help people along; I help them until they balance on it. I pull out my copy of New Moon and flipped to page 93, "Time passes. Even when it seems impossible." I read allowed, "Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me." I looked up then placed the book on my bedside table, "I will survive; even if everyday I must think about him at least once I will survive. I will not feel pain for him because he won't for me." I did not cry because those tears will never come. No mourning for what has happened, never.

"_Isabella, your name is like a rolled up velvet rug being unravelled off my tongue, as of now every night I repeat a paragraph from, 'The Host' written by Stephenie Meyer: _"I, a soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And this will never change, no matter what I might become." I worded it carefully, so that there would be no lie in my voice, "If I were a Dolphin or a Bear or a Flower, it wouldn't matter. I would always love you, always remember you. You will be my only partner." _This is how I feel for you, I want you to know that, whatever happens to us, good or bad, my love for you is the only thing that will be as strong as steel. It'll outweigh anything but inside, like me, it is soft and gooey. I could be even more of a starry-eyed unrealistic fool but there is so much paper in the world." _The wind whispered in my ears.


	10. Chapter 10

_20/08/09 – A new fascination_

August: the month where nothing happens, "nothing" in terms of excitement deprived and birthday-less. However; this august proved to be different. His name was Jacob Wolf Black and I was fascinated, not like the other girls who were drooling there life supply of saliva. My fascination was about his different persona: his laughter was forced, his smiles were artificial, his eyes were anxious and his body was tense. So I did what I do best: talk.

"Hi, I'm Bella." I held out my hand. He looked at it then stuck out his hand to it grabbed mine.

"Hey, I'm Jacob." He smiled but it was real.

"How's first day at little old Wangaratta High?"

"Horrible: everyone expects me to be the 'hot surfer from WA" but I'm not. I'm-"

"Different," I looked at him with a warm smile, "It's okay, I was like that once, blind and-"

"Helpless," he winked, "What pushed you onto the tightrope?"

"You know about the tightrope thing?" he nodded and gestured for me to continue, "Can we walk? My story is a lot different than most." He obliged. I was afraid; what if he thought low of me? There were so many 'what ifs' out there I could mention but that one scared me the most. I proceeded into my story and to my surprise, he understood.

"My sister was in the same situation and I helped her along, like your dream."

"So whats behind the oh-so-wonderful-and-new Jacob character?" I nudged him playfully.

"Don't judge okay?" I crossed my heart: how could I? He respected my illicit relationship, "I got raped, by my cousin," he looked up and tears formed in his eyes. "It was scary, she just wouldn't stop. She told me it was okay for this happen but, but, but-" he clung to me and sobbed on my shoulder. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around him.

"Hush, she's gone. It's alright." He pulled back and looked into my eyes and that was when I noticed the colour of his, "your eyes…they're black." He chuckled, deep and low.

"Yours are brown, I always thought they meant moods, like the silly rings, you're be anxious and I'd be angry."

"Yeah…" all of a sudden his lips were on mine, as soon as we parted I ruined the moment, "Where's the mistletoe?" he just laughed.

"Right here," he kissed my forehead. "You're so beautiful."

"You not the first to tell me, you do know that."

"Yeah it's all I have to say though and when I say it, I can tell you in public."

"Seriously, you're lousy at pick up lines. Never do that again." But that wasn't the real reason my face was threatening to show the hurt I felt.

"Oh, I'm sorry." he looked at me judging whether to touch me or not so I just threw my arms around his solid neck. I took his physical attributes in; his hair was a dark brown with random black streaks thrown in here and there, his face's features were solid, angular and tough looking, you just had to know the sarcastic facade he hid. His eyes as I had described were a deep, deep black, shimmering with the playfulness you just couldn't miss, his body was slender yet covered in natural muscle and fat. His legs were tight and covered by a pair of worn-in khakis. His shoes were simple yet expensive Nike Airs and I ogled them to the very pits of hell. His shirt clung tight to his chest but not like the pansies in Melbourne, more like he was forced into it. Although he looked the part to be a local you just knew he wasn't.

"Like it or are you going to trade in for a more manly model?" he joked as he caught my staring.

"No, I like your physique and your persona, I might just keep you."

Our conversation was casual and swapping information about each other, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. Cullen staring. Not jealous but confused and frustrated yet happy all at the same time. It brought me back to that day, a month ago now; it reminded me of the look that must've been on my face that day.

Jacob and I exchanged numbers so we sent each other texts all evening:

_Hey good looking, whatcha doing? – Jake. _I smiled, he was so cute.

_Nothing really wbu? – Bella_

_Oh, I'm thinking about you and I like what I'm thinking about. - Jake_

_Flirtatious are we? – Jake_

_Yeah, I don't even do sex but when I'm with you and now, I think about us. – Jake_

_Aw, aren't you just the sweetest thing…besides cake, yum. – Bella_

_I'm second to cake? I'm appalled. – Jacob_

_Only teasing, *wink* - Bella_

_Me need sleep, you dream about me and cake *caveman voice* - Jake_

_Oh I'm lusting for you caveman style *laughs* nigh' nigh' – bella_

I pulled out the letter again and I crumpled it, I did it: I crushed the letter. I flicked my wrist so it landed into my little bin, why? I did because only I envied the girl that received that letter. Again it is needed for an explanation but this time it is more thorough: I envied me: my uneducated and carefree self.

I did only because for being so blind and erratic, I had no idea about what could've happened, why? I was young minded and knew that my crush on my teacher would end very soon. However as I am now; smarter, stronger and faster, I have a more logical perspective, is what I prefer more than anything in this crumpled world.  
One day; all I ask for is one, I want to be able to look back to this strange moment and understand it. I want to have an epiphany, seeing the light at that very long and dark tunnel. All I knew now was that one day; I will love Jacob, like I loved Edward.


	11. Chapter 11

_20/08/2019 – My Epiphany at last_

_Bella, I know you're worried; just open your eyes and look at how beautiful you are. _I slowly flicked one eyelid up to look at the engrossing figure in front of my in the gold framed mirror. When I opened the other, I didn't know what to say. I was stunning: my figure was fitted with a tight, white dress which billowed out at the ends; my eyes were lined with a thin line of eyeliner and coloured with silver to match the dress; the high heels I was wearing I fell instantly in love with: they were high and had a thin heel coloured a bright white; a white satin bow held my hair back into the complicated twist the hairdresser formed it into. I loved it, my hair had grown since this exact day ten years ago, no shit. It was down to the centre of my spine, it curled creatively and I love it. The pink streaks were long gone now replaced by my natural brown hair. I was much taller, to my surprise, a height that was uncommon in my family. Only did I recently learn that my father, the one I had known for years, was not my biological father. His name is, Mr. Edward Cullen Snr: Edward's real dad. Now there's a weird little bit of information for ya. So technically I had sex with my brother? That was definitely not expected.

I walked down the aisle of the town's Catholic Church, smiling at family and friends. Most importantly, Jacob: he waited for me in his deep black tuxedo, fancy shoes and brushed hair (I know: he developed a sense of hygiene over the past decade.). He smiled; that casual yet excited one he knew I adored. My father, not my biological one, walked me down the isle: I clung to him afraid this wasn't real and I was going to wake up all too soon. When we reached the altar, he let go of my right hand and placed it in my fiancé's. He was warm, real and for the first time in my life, I stuttered, I froze; afraid I was going to stuff up. "Bella," Jacob eyed me; worried I was going to make a run for it. I stood up and faced him. The minister started and ended the long and exciting ceremony. We kissed like no other; it felt better, knowing that the words engraved onto the ring on my finger were true. _Our love is round, it has no end. _Justin's gold ring, which I had gotten engraved, said: _For you are, my loving friend._ It was our favourite poem we created for an English lesson it went something like this:

_A ring is round, it has no ends,_

_It never stops and never bends,_

_The smile on your scarlet face,_

_Never leaves me out of place,_

_Our love is round, it has no end,_

_For you are, my loving friend._

There was no reception as neither Jake nor I like parties, we wanted to be together as soon as possible so we were given

_The End. At least, for this moment in time._


End file.
